Do you really want things in your life to be better in some way, or do you want to keep being the “star” in your own personal drama? Better is different; and, if you are afraid of change, better may be easier said than done. Many people continue to create unhappy lives for themselves because they don’t know how to do any differently; but some people enjoy playing the role of victim. You simply can’t keep being the main character in your own tragedy if you want to have a happy and fulfilling life. You don’t get extra-credit, or “happy points,” for carrying a heavy load. Being happy actually lightens your load – or makes it easier to carry. Suffering is not the path to fulfillment; it is merely one of the steps along the way.

Most people’s journeys take them through low points, or “valleys;” if your path leads you through low places and dark times just keep going – keep your thoughts moving forward. When you allow yourself to dwell in one place, you delay your progress to some other place. That’s great if you like it where you are; savor the flavor. But if you want to be somewhere else, doing something else, you have to think about it first. You can’t think about, plan, or create your future while you are complaining about the results of past thoughts and actions. Honestly, write down some of the things you say most often about your life and ask yourself if your words would serve as a caption for a picture of your life the way it currently is, or the way you would like it to be.

You don’t have to think about your problems in order to solve them; and complaining about them makes it even more difficult to find solutions. There’s no need to compound or reiterate your judgments and assessment of your situation; you already know where you are. Take one last look around as a sort of reality check; and then start looking toward a solution. Here’s a hint: It’s not in the direction of the problem. Albert Einstein said that you can’t solve a problem from the same level of awareness that created it. In other words, you need a little more brains to get out of a problem than it took to get into it. Complaints are a sign that you are still using the mind that causes problems rather than solving them.

Look toward what you want – the situation you wish to create. If you’re complaining about your problems, you’re thinking about your problems; and, if you’re thinking about your problems, you still have the same perspective that caused them to appear in the first place. Tomorrow is going to look a lot like yesterday, for most people, because most people’s thoughts tend to be driven by what they see outside of them. If you don’t like what you see on the outside, you need to look inside for something better, rather than waste your time complaining about what has already been done. As soon as you quit complaining about your problems and accept your current situation as your new starting point, your problem is being solved.

If you don’t know what to do, you aren’t alone; nobody truly knows what to do next. Just do something; and then observe what happens. Is it what you wanted to happen? If so, you’ve solved your problem, but if at first you don’t succeed, use the feedback and experience gained to try something different – something new. If you want something new in your life, then that’s what you’ll have to do – something new. If you want to keep the same old problems and mundane life, then just keep complaining about it and it is sure to stay pretty much the way it is. Either way, what you think about will tend to fill your life.

by Pete Koerner of Explore Expand Evolve, one of our Family