Conversation with the master - sex (final part)

(continuation of the transcription of notes of my conversations with J., from 1982 to 1990)

- Given that we must change our attitude toward sex, what is the first step?
- As I said: giving oneself up. People think that, before allowing themselves any pleasure, they must first solve all their problems, which is not the case. People can only solve their problems if they allow them to be themselves.
“However, there is a very curious thing: during the sexual act we are extremely generous, and one’s greater concern is for the partner. We think we will not be able to give the pleasure he or she deserves - and because of this, our pleasure also diminishes, or disappears completely.”
- Is that not an act of love, like you said?
- That depends. It is really an act of guilt, to believe one is beneath the expectations of another. In a situation such as this, the word “expectation” must be completely banished. If we are giving our best, there is no reason for concern.
“One must be aware that when two bodies meet, they are together entering an unknown territory. To transform this into an everyday experience is to lose the wonder of adventure.
“If, however, one allows oneself to be led on this journey, we will discover horizons we never imagined existed. ”
- Is there a key?
- The first is: you are not alone. If the other person loves you, he or she is having the same doubts, however secure you may seem. “The second is: open the secret box of your fantasies, and do not be afraid to accept them. There are no sexual standards, and you must find your own, respecting only one restriction: never do anything without the other person’s consent.
“The third: give that which is sacred a sense of sanctity. For this one must be as innocent as a child, and learn to accept miracles as blessings. Be creative, purify your soul through rituals you invent yourself - such as creating a sacred space, making offerings, learning to laugh together, in order to break down the barriers of inhibition. Understand that what you are doing is a manifestation of God’s energy.
“The fourth: explore your opposite side. If you are a man, seek at times to think and act like a woman - and vice versa.
“The fifth: understand that the physical orgasm is not exactly the only objective of the sexual act, but a consequence, which may or may not occur. Pleasure has nothing to do with the orgasm, but with the encounter.
“The sixth: be like a river, flowing between opposite banks, such as a mountain and sand. On one side, natural tension, on the other, total relaxation.
“The seventh: identify your fears, and share them with your partner.
” And, finally, the eighth: allow yourself to have pleasure. Just as you are anxious to give, the other person wants to do exactly the same. If, when two bodies meet, both want to give and receive, any problems vanish.
“Alexander Lowen said that man’s natural behavior is open to life and to love. However, our culture has led us to believe that this is not so, that we must be closed and mistrustful. We think that by acting in this way, we will not be hurt by life’s surprises - but in fact what happens is, we are not taking advantage of our lives.”

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Story - Nasrudin and the egg

One morning, Nasrudin - the great Sufi mystic who always pretended to be mad - wrapped an egg in a cloth, went into the town’s main square, and called the people who were there.
- Today there will be an important contest! - he said - Whoever discovers what is inside this cloth, will be given the egg inside it!
The people exchanged glances, intrigued, and answered:
- How can we know? No one is capable of divination!
Nasrudin insisted:
- That which is inside this cloth has a yellow center like a yolk, surrounded by a clear liquid like egg white, which in turn is contained inside a shell which breaks very easily. It is a symbol of fertility, and reminds us of birds flying to their nests. So, who can tell me what is hidden here?
All the folk thought Nasrudin was holding an egg, but the answer was so obvious, no one wanted to embarrass themselves in front of everyone else.
What if it wasn’t an egg, but something more important, a product of the fertile Sufi mystic’s imagination? A yellow center might suggest the sun, the surrounding liquid could be an alchemist’s concoction. No, the madman was definitely trying to make someone look a fool.
Nasrudin asked twice more, and no one dared say something foolish.
So he unwrapped the cloth and showed everyone the egg.
- You all knew the answer - he said - And no one dared put it into words.
“Such are the lives of those who haven’t the courage to risk: solutions are generously provided by God, but people always seek complicated explanations, and end up doing nothing.”

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Reflections of the Warrior of Light

A warrior of the light never stumbles; but he knows how to distract his adversary.
However anxious he is, he plays with the resources of strategy in order to reach his objective. When he realizes his strength is running out, he makes the enemy believe he is in no rush. When he must attack on the right, he moves his troops to the left. If he intends to begin the fight immediately, he pretends he is sleepy and prepares himself for sleep.
The friends comment: “see how he has lost his enthusiasm “. He pays these comments no attention, for his friends know not the tactics of combat.
A warrior of light knows what he wants. There is no need to spend time explaining.

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“Warrior of the Light, a www.paulocoelho.com.br publication.”