from our Sue (08 Sep 2008):

I have LOTS of “stuff to DO” (prepare for my program, feed my critters, etc, etc.) right now, but.. I am “feeling” like I just HAVE to write. *sigh* ARGH!! Oh, dear reader(s), this business of “BEing” a human (for me, at least) is SO darn difficult at times. There is just sooo many things to do, dreams to LIVE, and people whom I treasure beyond anything else in the WORLD- that I dearly want to “BE” with, and places to GO. NOW!! RIGHT at this v-e-r-y second!!! Yet, I simply cannot. I mean, this is GOING to happen.. as I can “feel” it and believe it with every molecule of my existence- BUT. It j-u-s-t ain’t happening yet. So. WHAT to dooooooo, she whines. *LOL*

Live in the “NOW”. This exact moment. Because?? Truly.. this IS what matters most. I mean, I am knowing that my DREAMS are, indeed, important- and WILL happen.. so I need to just trust in this- and.. take a REALLY deep breath. Let it out, and focus on.. NOW. I will stop that crazy “hamster wheel” that is squeaking endlessly in my brain (you know.. all of those “what-ifs” and “maybes” and “if- onlys”??)- and just “BE”.

Yes, I miss terribly that awesome experience of “molecular connection”, those seemingly endless moments in time that thankfully have been captured in photographs- BUT. I HAVE to accept this annoying fact that irregardless of what I truly WANT.. that fickle and elusive mistress.. time.. is marching on. And, as I really do like “BEing”, I think I’d better “get with my inner me”, and apply myself to appreciating the “NOW” that is my life. Trying to PLAN my future is something that I know needs to happen, rationally. I mean- I’d dearly LOVE to simply ~poof~! and “quantum leap” myself to where I am “feeling” my energies. But I’ve been trying this.. and it JUST ain’t working. I really do become dreadfully impatient with myself- and I am beginning to believe that the universe is gifting to me an incredible lesson- whether I happen to LIKE it, or not! *LOL*

I’m really NOT very good at planning things. I’m the sort of person who is extraordinarily spontaneous- and the decisions that I make would probably send most people into fits of apoplexy. This includes those (to most people, anyway) those HUGE life- altering decisions of physically moving from one region.. and “plopping myself down” somewhere totally different- and unknown. I have no fear of the “unknown”.. as I truly LOVE discovering the “new and different” aspects that life has to offer- and I especially adore the grand mystery of it all.

What REALLY does frighten me?? People. Yep.. this would include YOU, dear reader(s). I am always honest- and at THIS particular moment-in-space-and-time, I will admit to “BEing” quite terrified of allowing myself to “trust in people”! I mean, I CAN handle rocks. Rocks are v-e-r-y safe and dependable. If ya happen to notice one, you can pick it up, put it on a shelf somewhere.. look at it- and be relatively assured in knowing it simply will BE there tomorrow. Unless you happen to have a curious feline who loves sweeping “stuff” off shelves with a resounding and satisfying ~CRASH~!! People?? Hahahah.. not so much.

I CANNOT control what someone else is “thinking/feeling/BEing” at all. I CAN control how I am choosing to… “think/feel/BE”, though. I haven’t had the greatest prior experiences with people, and.. as I struggle with this concept of “time-moving-forward”, I am beginning to realise (yep, I am a slow learner at times!) that I HAVE to simply let go and QUIT clinging to “that-which-was”. It isn’t NOW. I simply am needing to let myself appreciate THIS moment, and let the natural progression of those things that are being created happen. *sigh* Hmmm.. and?? I am also “thinking” that I am actually QUITE fortunate to be receiving this v-e-r-y nice lesson from the universe.

Anyway. Such are the random ponderings of a real human being.. who IS still learning, experiencing, actively participating in living- just the way I bet you are, dear reader. Thank you for reading my little “message to myself”.. which is ending up to be a genuine acceptance of this grand universe. Please be knowing that I truly DO appreciate your essence.. as just by reading this?? You are helping me to “BE”. Whether you are truly believing it, or not- you ARE important to me.. and contribute to the awesome audible humming that I can hear.. of the “UNI~verse” full of life and paradoxical mysteries. I hope that you are able to gift to yourself some “Happy Sparkle Thoughts” of positive energies, genuine kindness, joy, AND hope.